Category: Writers Block
The next morning was bitter and a bright sun made the hoar frost sparkle Garry was up 1st and spoke to Andy as he was preparing to leave for the M.R base his Gore -Tex jacket crackled as he pulled it on in the subdued atmosphere the noise was irritating "I'll be in touch as soon as I have conformation but I cant promise as our priority is to these guys but you never know". Garry nodded disconsolately he dreaded telling Dougie that it would be better to call off the trip "ok pal eh he's not fit enough to even attempt this hmm I mean how cold is it includin the wind chill" Andy had gone out to check the thermometer the mercury had dropped significantly "eh...your man's not fit to be anywhere but a hospital bed..its -18 and tell him if he wants to see An Teallach there's always the internet" Dougie appeared as the climber was leaving his appearance in a shaft of sunlight shocked his friends he was weaker paler and clearly hadn't slept "I've been on.... that site sure the pictures..... are too feckin... expensive" he locked eyes with Garry and slapped him on the back "all we need is a.... good feed....too much booze an too little food sure its never a good plan" the last thing his friend wanted was a show of false courage.
"How are you feelin you look rough man" he coughed and though he'd spent the night in a downstairs room Garry had heard him struggling to breathe "is that the official opinion or just your own" "its unanimous your not fit to be here pal goin to An Teallach may...there's a risk of pneumonia or bronchitis which il be harder to shake off for f..ks sake listen for once!" Garry hadn't intended to shout but it was too early for clever psychology "I'm aware of that I do know what went on last night...Anja helped me undress that's not happened for a long while" the shame and humiliation at being helped with something so basic pissed him off but the fatigue kept his temper in check "we'll see after breakfast sure if I'm still... the same its a goner right...anyhow the roads... blocked.. "
They watched his smile and he made them wait "......you can take the climber out of the.. hills, but.... you cant... take the hills out... of the climber,.....I'm not a big ticko" he pointed to Andy who had decided to stay for breakfast "..Let's eat sure your tongue hangin out is not a pretty sight" they went to the front room which was warm from the sunlight Billy was making his famous Dublin Grill and Dougie's stomach grumbled impatiently "Jesus I'm starvin have.... you.... any chocolate...come your aye hidin some"
"No we'll need it for the return journey" the Irishman studied the huge meringue like drifts piled up by the force 10 gale,and his eyes drifted to the leaden clouds on the horizon "I don't think there'l a return journey Mr Frodo" his friend 1/2 smiled and poured out the coffee "here and behave Paddy I'm warnin you" he dismissed the strong tone and winked at Andy who was checking his watch for the 4th time "are you supposed to be somewhere nothin il be movin today" he seemed distracted and preoccupied "....no ...no but I'm sure someone il make Seamus's day" Dougie retraced his childhood and the friends he'd had in Belfast, the closest was Seamus and even then, they were sure he was crazy "all right pal eh?" he was glad to leave the dream to linger where it could do no harm "aye didn't I have a rough night and didn't Anja start snorin Jesus Christ! I was sure a walrus had crawled in beside me"
The climbers laughed and relaxed Dougie's breathing had worsened and he could only grin as Anja strolled in to the dinning room still half asleep "morning" Andy put a mug of coffee in front of her as she glanced accusingly at her lover "ohh I need this.... thankyou..." they were wondering if their friend had managed to solve his sexual problem "so why are you.. so tired...your man here says ..YOU kept.. HIM awake" she drank the coffee and swept back her hair Dougie wouldn't take his from her "I snore?..No no... it... was him like.. a big dog" Anja placed a hand on his leg and he responded "I saw it movin..." he wrapped his hand around hers and lifted it to his lips, she watched as he kissed her smooth skin "ahh what's it matter we'er happy that's all"
."Am I glad to hear that" Billy appeared with breakfast when Anja asked for muesli he thought she was kidding "I've some yes do they really eat that in Sweden man..you need a good meal inside you darlin" she surveyed the sausage bacon eggs fried bread and black pudding and asked for a smaller version "can I taste that it looks..hmmm?" Garry gave her a small piece and Dougie joked "Just hope she doesn't ask for another" Anja munched on the black pudding and gave a thumbs up "we eat this too and it's good Scotland is just like home" Billy left to rustle up her order "so you still see this mountain..today...yes...I should help you and I cant it's too hard" he met her eyes full of questions "you have darlin more than any medicine you help me to see it il be ok"
she kissed him and rested her other hand on his cheek her skin smelled of soap and he wished he'd been there "..hmm you 2 are lucky I wish you all the best man" Andy gave him a smile and his friend returned it "cheers I'd have thought a fine fella such as yourself would be fightin them off" he ate and closed off then sensing their concern he revealed what Dougie had suspected "it's not at all easy.... especially up here and I'm in a position of trust, I can't just chat up whoever I choose..Seamus is the only 1 who knows and I trust him...I've no choice" Garry put a hand on his shoulder and looked right in to his eyes "listen I was feckin glad to see you last night your a mate ok..." Andy nodded and swallowed his coffee far too quickly he checked his watch again and whispered. "Get out your bed" .They finished their meal and ordered more coffee Anja was now awake and eager to get outside, her energy and level of fitness made Dougie feel twice his age
"You've not been puttin red bull in hers when I was busy" he lifted a coffee mug and indicated with it to Garry
"I could do wi some" who shook his head while spreading a slice of toast "if you come across some don't hang about" Andy glanced at his watch for the 6th time and got up to make a phone call,Dougie wanted in on the plan and he'd dreaded that "the big lad's up to somethin an you know what" he searched among the debris of their meal for marmalade "no doubt your going to tell me" he swivelled the chair closer to Garry "is everythin ok wi him I mean he's on edge ..your man's not thinkin a air liftin me hmm? He might a said" Anja saw the panic in his expression and wrapped an arm around his shoulders "if he does I go with too...2 crazy Irish hmmm" her enthusiasm was undiminished she saw every problem as a challenge and with every exciting arousing minute he spent in her company Anja was reminding Dougie of himself before the fall
Andy was hanging around outside as if waiting for someone the clouds were now dumping their new load on the hills and he shivered in spite of thick clothing he was about to give up when the phone went "hello ..Christ! About time are you just up hmm.. yes we are but its snowing heavily and showing no sign of easing off" the voice on the other end laughed and he heard nervous comments in the background "just take it easy all right she's just back from being serviced and by the way you might be familiar with our pal" Seamus thought this over while getting ready for the flight "I'm familiar with a lot a people describe this punter and I'll tell ya" he gave a brief description of Dougie and heard "feckin hell! Your not serious Jesus! Is he still a sleekit fecker" Andy held the phone away from his ear "eh from what I've seen yes and there's 1 more thing he's eh unable to walk" seamus surprised the life out of his colleague "that was feckin inevitable if there was anyone it would be him he's mad as get out".
The climber sighed and answered "he gave you the same compliment anyway so I have to hang around here with a crowd of head cases while you round up the wolves" Seamus laughed loudly and Andy held the phone out towards the breeze "I was disciplined for that remember, didn't yer man have words though I'm not sure if he wrote them himself" Andy let out a deep exasperated breath his colleague was in good form but he was still concerned about Dougie's reaction when he saw his old friend for the 1st time in 5 years "I'll not be long so...eh can he..how bad is it" another breath and a cough "its only his legs all right you'll be fine" Just hearing about the accident had scared Seamus he'd narrowly escaped the same fate on a frightening rescue and the memory refused to fade.
He wandered in a meandering circle and asked "are you still ok to fly we'll have our hands full today...." the Irishman took his time and Andy could almost feel the tension through the phone ".....the Doc's checked me last week Mary I'm fine and eh..sure I'm yer main man" "Dont f..kin call me Mary! I'd thought you might have come up with something more original" Seamus came back at him "well there's cheek and what are you after calling me Mick! Jaysus! It's all I can do not to call on the little people to beat you up".
He laughed and sucked on a cough sweet "are you eatin again sure your arteries man you should know better" "you tried that before smart arse and the Leprechaun king said "feck off! Oi'm still waitin on payment for the last time" the Irishman jumped in to the helicopter with the phone welded to his ear "that's because you were late with the loan you promised sure Mary, that's no way to do business" he quickly switched off the phone and Andy was left swearing at silence.Seamus went through the pre flight checks as the winchman hurried to the machine its engine whined, as the rotors picked up speed,he was thinking about Dougie and the reality of his friend's situation made him uncomfortable "feck! What il I say hello how are you?.."
He watched as the groundman gave him the all clear and the helicopter lifted in to the air, he would reach the hostel in 20 minutes and he decided to take a detour to An Teallach to gauge the weather and snow conditions it would also give him time to think .He normally adored flying he and snapped up any excuse to leave the ground, he and Dougie had climbed onto the roofs of tall buildings to stare jealously, until their eyes were sore, at the birds soaring effortlessly and dream of flying.
As he drew nearer the mountain the downdraft disturbed a bank of dry powder snow ice crystals flew into the frigid air and danced like airbourne diamonds, he flew over Sgurr Fiona but the rest was obscured by the departing storm An Teallach was white and only her pinnacles and protected slabs stood out brown against the snow "ohhh man yer a sight hmm hmm ........." his mind strayed again to Dougie and he wondered at his friend's need to say goodbye to an inanimate object {he's sayin goodbye to that part of himself Christ! What a life}.
Seamus did a complete recce of An Teallach then swung away towards the hostel he would have liked nothing more than a message to come sqwaking over the radio telling him to return to base while his boss covered every necessary, unsettling, detail of a climber in trouble, the radio stayed silent except for the winchman relaying the snow conditions of the peaks to base "today il be edgy eh it looks likely to avalanche that cornice on Sgurr Fiona is guy shaky" Seamus nodded and straightened up the helicopter's trajectory he was nervous and lost for words at the thought of meeting Dougie when he had come so close to being his position
He arrived at the hostel and held the huge machine in a perfect hover while the winchman lowered 4 skidoos 1 by 1 on to the snow with equal precision as the freshly fallen snow obliterated their sight everything was done by guess work, he guided Seamus as he worked to keep the sea king in 1 place in the air,finally their load was on the ground and the Irishman made sure his screaming helicopter landed with the delicacy of a dragonfly "that cleared my head are we ok to meet the crowd your.. not your usual self man" Seamus lied with a smile and undid his harness "its just the thought of gettin out in to the cold sure I'm warm in here" Neil laughed despite taking the full force of the arctic blast,he climbed out of the side door and brushed fine silky snow from the skidoos
Andy was scraping frost and ice from Garry's Jeep when Seamus and Neil appeared the 3 climbers conferred about the weather and the state of An Teallach ,Andy's heart sank when he heard how treacherous it would be to risk climbing it up until now he hadnt considered the possibility but the good days were rare and there to be grabbed and lived to the full "all right man Jaysus I've heard their sunbathin in Cork its 90 already" he blew warm air on his hands and stomped around while thinking of how to handle Dougie "how's your man is he up yet..Christ! I don't what to say to him I've been all round it in my head but sure nothings happening" "just be yourself and don't forget he's nervous as well"
They went in to the warmth of the bar and Seamus hesitated pretending to knock snow from his boots in his unease he had forgotten to remove his helmet nevertheless his black eyes ceaselessly shifted around the room and his insides tied themselves in knots "I'll give your man a shout..and dont worry" Garry went to find Dougie but he had seen his old friend from the window and his insides were also twisting with anticipation he couldn't stand it and went to get it over with Anja offered to go with him but he would have it "no I know this man Mick's crazy that's all" Dougie wheeled out of the dinning room and Seamus was suddenly confronted with his greatest fear, he was unable to say anything and it was nearly 8 minutes before he could trust himself to speak .
"Christ! This is..weird eh...5 years and now..Jaysus" his voice betrayed him and although Dougie had been here many times these protracted silences were always unbearable he leaned forward and extended a hand to his old friend who was staring at his immobile legs "oi we might as well do this properly eh an I'd buy you a drink but your bad enough sober" they shook hands and Seamus felt the strap of his helmet digging in to his skin "you might a told me Christ!" He undid the strap and as he tore it off a fringe of black floppy hair fell over his right eye he swept it back and grinned awkwardly but there was depth to that simple gesture Dougie had noticed more than a shadow of his cockiness and smart arsed charm "Sure I'm the best pilot there is these guys trust me right Andy" he groaned and gave a sarcastic smile that seemed out of place "your the only bloody pilot for 20 miles we'er stuck with you" he 1/2 whispered "we even tried extradition but Stormont denied all knowledge"
"Christ! This is..weird eh...5 years and now..Jaysus" his voice betrayed him and although Dougie had been here many times these protracted silences were always unbearable he leaned forward and extended a hand to his old friend who was staring at his immobile legs "oi we might as well do this properly eh an I'd buy you a drink but your bad enough sober" they shook hands and Seamus felt the strap of his helmet digging in to his skin "you might a told me Christ!" He undid the strap and as he tore it off a fringe of black floppy hair fell over his right eye he swept it back and grinned awkwardly but there was depth to that simple gesture Dougie had noticed more than a shadow of his cockiness and smart arsed charm "Sure I'm the best pilot there is these guys trust me right Andy" he groaned and gave a sarcastic smile that seemed out of place "your the only bloody pilot for 20 miles we'er stuck with you" he 1/2 whispered "we even tried extradition but Stormont denied all knowledge"
"aye they've a big file on him but they keep it right at the bottom of a locked drawer as it makes such disturbin readin" his friend was still uneasy he'd moved closer to Dougie but seemed unsure if he should kneel down, or remain upright, his height of 6ft 3 compounded the problem. "Your going ahead so..didn't I bring you some transport..can you ride a skidoo..ah wait now it might be safer if we drop you onto Bidean a Ghlas Thuil and wait at the bottom, sure you'll not hang around long its baltic out there, Jaysus! This morning I thought I'd woken up in Norway" .Anja was standing in the doorway listening to the Irish monologue and falling for Seamus' accent he saw her and smiled it was surprisingly self conscious and reminded her of a 6yrold boy who's discovered he's in love and embarrassed by the depth of the emotion
She sauntered over and Dougie's smile widened involuntarily he wanted to freeze her 1st step, then rewind it, just to watch her walk, he was slowly losing his envy of it and accepting that some things are a lost cause "so you are Seamus I'm Anja its a pleasure" she held out her hand which he took without question "hello and the pleasure's all mine sure are you lost maybe I could fly you back to civilisation" his strong Cork accent confused her and Dougie had to translate, she smiled and his friends eyes lit up, as if illuminated by its reflection " sure I might let you sit up front where you'll see the scenery better {not that I'll be lookin at it!} Again Anja listened and asked him to slow down Seamus was used to talking quickly on the radio while flying in atrocious weather and praying for his life.
"Sorry I'm famous for rattlin on like an eejit just yell ok, in fact If your going climbing, yell and I'll be there in no time" she smiled and noticed something trustworthy in his attitude Dougie's trip to An Teallach had come across as dream like however now that the Mountain Rescue were involved she felt reassured but she couldnt hide the concern over Dougie's health.
He swept her worry aside and swung the chair in the opposite direction "Christ! Your making me dizzy are you all right flyin" he was genuinely frightened and beginning to sweat at the prospect of going anywhere near Seamus' prized possession "I'm fine you know what your doin right" there was such emphasis on the last word and the connotation was anything but hidden "sure I was top of the class I could teach Tom Cruise a trick or 2" they groaned and went to get ready but Seamus stopped Garry and asked about Dougie's health "is your man ill his chest sounds terrible and I don't recall him..there's usually more meat on him than..." Garry was trapped if he lied and his friend confessed, their fragile friendship would disintegrate if he admitted Dougie had Cancer, the M.R would refuse to take part in whole risky adventure, so he compromised. "Your man's been ill but its ok now and whatever y' do don't treat him as if he's made of glass,he becomes a right pain in the arse"
Seamus smiled wickedly and delivered a brilliant come back "becomes! Ahh now your being polite" from his appearance and charming way with Anja Garry wondered if there was any gypsy blood in his veins but didn't know how to ask. Anja was helping her lover who was living up to his reputation "I'm NOT... havin... anyone dress... me last night was bad..enough if I need a hand I'll tell you" she gave up and hauled on her outdoor gear while keeping her back to him "oi! Your arse is just as pretty" Anja wasn't accustomed to this the remark had both offended and amused her " come here I'm an eejit your beautiful an I enjoy lokin at all a you" he reached to kiss her and she wriggled out of his grasp "no! You must earn it cheeky bogtrotter" Dougie laughed so hard he couldn't breathe "........feck! ..Its ages....hang on.. I've ...never.. trotted.... over... any f..kin.... bogs.... in my life!"
She stared at his astonished expression and the dam broke she was helpless as visions of an stereotypical Irishman trotting over the bogs, like a pony, flooded in to her mind Anja collapsed in to a seat and caught her breath "...ohh ..you.....this ..is bad" he hoped she'd mixed up her adjectives " I'm a comedian sure I told you..man you've a... memory like sieve" he panted as the congestion in his chest increased as ever asking for help was beneath him "let... me..or we be.. here.. all day" she stood up and he watched the fluidity of her,her arm muscles firm from climbing seemed to ripple like water, he was addicted and the little tastes she gave him were never enough "Anja..darlin...will..you.. give.. me a hand" he was dizzy and feverish but she knew better than to dissuade him.
As she helped Dougie in to his gear Seamus watched through the glass he felt unable to get involved and began to regret his part in this "Christ! When I think it could have been me sitting there, needing help, sure maybe someone was sending me a warning to jack it in" Andy disagreed but as he walked towards the door Seamus took his arm and asked for a direct answer "your man's suffering anyone can see that, there's more going on here than just ahh feck!...What's the word?..he's more than....... paralysed and I'll only fly a guy who's seriously ill to the hospital and nowhere else" try as he might Andy couldn't disregard his friend's fear it clouded his face and dark bottomless eyes, which were closed to his curiosity "we will go as far as we can by skidoo you need only fly us back and..since his accident Dougie has developed a fear of travelling by helicopter, so your in good company..furthermore Mick you've no idea how much courage he'll have to find if we need to fly to An Teallach,..dont pity someone who can recover from falling 500ft on the Matterhorn"
Seamus wanted the whole story now wasn't the right time to tell him but Andy was cornered and he had no alternative "if I reveal it he'll go balistic and you'll put the brakes on his last wish" the pilot stopped in tracks and turned his head to Dougie he'd ignored the worst scenario they were too numerous "last? Oh no tell me your lying please! Jaysus!" Andy led him outside and inhaled the frigid air while Seamus lit up his hands were trembling
"its-18 and here I am taking a dying cripple on a mountain ready to avalanche, does he plan on popping his clogs up there" "keep it down eh.I've no idea and Mick no one else knows ...OK"
He walked aimlessly and confusion fogged up his sharp mind Seamus was famous for keeping a cool head in tight situations, but since the accident his behaviour had become increasingly erratic, he succeeded in lighting his cigarette and took 3 long hard draws "when will you tell em" he realised that Andy had no intention of doing so "you have to pal or they'll hold it against you forever..dont tell me you've forgotten the incident on Ben Nevis" Andy and Seamus had transferred to Ullapool to escape the repercussions of a dreadful error of judgement "how can I eh its damned near impossible..I'm not f..king up like that again"
"Ok ok..I suppose can you tell he's dyin without a scan" he nodded and stared absently into the distance the clouds had lifted and An Teallach was clearing, as the sun burst out from behind a drifting cloud,he slipped on a pair of sunglasses and faced his friend "yeah I know the signs...his answer was carried on a deep sigh "also they neglected his treatment as Doug feels no pain from the waist down" Seamus was stunned, then angry, he dragged the choking nicotine from his cigarette, then coughed, as the smoke hit the back of his throat "...ohh feck...if I get my hands on those eejits..Jaysus! Does he know.Hmmm will I get on the radio" "....hmmm ....I think he does there's a sense of finality and fear to what he says its eerie"
The sound of complaining voices relieved them from the stress of the past Andy went to check on Dougie who was scared and needing a cigarette as the scent of Seamus' dying cigarette blew towards him he coughed hard and struggled to brush it off "Jesus!.... Daft fecker" Anja was fascinated by the differences in their accents this helped her to relax "you say Jesus, he says Jaysus, its...funny" Dougie shrugged and eyed up the gleaming helicopter, as the rotors warmed up he felt a cold clinging sweat run down his back "I can't do...I keep....hearin Swiss-German..... an the accident... and I feel mysel fallin!" He tried to slow his breathing but the infection was advancing, his whitening hands gripped the sides of his chair and he couldn't remove them to turn the wheels "what? if it wasn't your man I'd eh 1 quick nip an sure I'll be runnin out the door" Andy kneeled down in front him like a child at communion "sorry pal if you have alcohol we wont be able to treat you for the infection"
^Damn! Alright let me..no...eh lets go man^ Dougie assessed the snow and carefully wheeled himself out the door, the helicopter was whining and Seamus was impatiently thumping his fingers on the fuel dial, they had enough for 1 way {at least refuelling il give me time to sort myself out} Garry watched out for ice and loose snow,as Dougie composed himself his eyes were anywhere but on the machine suddenly a song burst in to his head {Girls They wanna Have Fun} He'd had crazy sex after dancing to this in a nightclub with Jenny, they had spun around the room Dougie on his 2 feet and she was laughing and kissing him he couldn't decide which was more appealing.He sat up looked right at the helicopter and felt a ressurgence of his old determination ^right I'm ready pal can't keep the man waitin^
Amazingly Seamus had music playing in his cockpit {What Took You So Long}A personal favourite, he was sitting back with his feet up on the console eating chocolate and whistling to the song, Dougie smiled up at him and he answered with a cheeky wink *she's a bit of all right eh? Didn't I wash her for you!* ^Must a done it wi your eyes closed Mick^ Seamus faked disappointment and closed the window *ungrateful fecker* Garry jumped aboard and moved some gear out of the way then brought forward a rescue stretcher Dougie was visibly shaking and only Anja's kiss prevented him from freaking out ^there's.. only... room for 1 an I... could ...do wi... your body heat^ *I give it to you Irish and make you steam*
his face was a picture and John caught it on film Dougie turned too fast in the chair and almost fell ^right! Ohh feck...your lucky I'm ill man^ his pseudo angry glare melted in to a grin and he asked for a favour *take pictures of this place and these eejits incase I....^ he couldn't bring himself to admit the fear of forgetting the beauty of this place *will do pal and I'll send them down dont worry you just get well ok*
{Aye right if man as if} Andy shook the stiffness out of his arms and leaned against the cold door of the helicopter he was going over every detail of Dougie's illness, as he signalled to him the climber saw the fear it stood out like a beacon burning and consuming his dwindling courage "are you set jeez its at times like this I wish I was 4ft nothing" "could you not use the winch eh?" Dougie raised his middle finger and sliced a hand across his throat in a silent threat "whatever, just remember who'll be holdin your hand Paddy..and don't break my fingers" "when... I get up there.... that ...il be the.. least a... your worries" Garry ignored the bullshit and Andy lifted him aboard, the noise inside was deafening,the sides shook with the engine's vibration, and his heart was pounding like a jackhammer
"I know its a stupid bit of advice but try and calm down man..the fear is making your breathing's worse" Andy fiddled with the mechanisim and adjusted the stretcher, so Dougie could sit up,"ok pal are you thirsty I'm sure you have a temperature" he got onto the stretcher and sat back exhausted Anja and Garry glanced at each other they were on the point of guessing and sooner or later, they would demand the truth "well you did it Paddy how are feeling eh here drink some its cool" Garry handed over a bottle of water as Dougie nearly emptied it the cold sweat began to dry and he shivered. Andy squeezed his 6ft 4 frame into the cockpit, closed the hatch and delayed informing the hospital in Fort William, but privacy is a luxury the M.R couldn't afford. "What's up eh sooner the better man sitting here won't help him sure he might get up and run off while your procrastinatin" he glared at Seamus who was anxious to be off "I will need to tell them he's terminal and that's no way for anyone to find out"
He held the headset as if it would bite him and broke off a piece of discarded chocolate "oi! D'you mind we'er running short you forgot to do the shopping Mary" Dougie was listening to the patter and laughing between gasps "did..you... hear..that..the fecker's not.. changed a bit..in fact he's..worse" Anja eased her hand out of his firm grasp and replaced it with a kiss "oh now...I want that.. on...my prescription" "I would write it myself..you want Scottish yes" they looked at Garry who was sitting back on the floor in a gloomy corner he seemed withdrawn and disinterested "hey man..what's.. up hmm? its.. not...so painful now" Garry answered with minimal eye contact and a grunt "tell me in Norwegian I know some..then I say in Scottish" when he shook a few strands of blonde hair out of his eyes, she saw they were laden with grief "when were you goin to tell me your terminal!"
Anja grabbed his hand and he fixed his eyes on a chink of light blinking above the door "when eh! On your death bed when your so drugged up that we're unable to tell if its a side effect of morphine, or your last confession do you want a f..kin priest!" He jumped up and ripped the harness from the stretcher, his hands seemed to be ahead of his brain, but within, everything was a blur Garry held Dougie up by his jacket and shook him hard "tell me!" Anja tried to console him and loosen his grip, but there was a dreadful futility to her attempts "let me go!....I'd.... planned... on tellin... you... tomorrow" Dougie was frightened he hadn't realised the strength of his friend's commitment he'd assumed their friendship was crumbling
Andy heard the commotion and his guilt was overwhelming "Oi! That's your last move pal or we'll land and kick you out" he turned to the M.R man who held his furious stare "its all clear now eh! You've a bloody goin conspiracy here and we are left out in the cold!" An unexpected gust of wind knocked the helicopter off course Seamus swore and fought to regain control "sit down pal or you risk being knocked out, thought right now, that seems like a good idea" Andy checked Dougie who was panting and scared "turbulance...right its.. not.. a.. storm" "no we'er fine for storms" "Spoken.. like.. a.. true Paddy" then he whispered to Andy with acute embarrassment "I've eh.. damn!I've wet your fancy bed here...I'm sorry..shit!.." Andy didn't react to his self pity and warmed up his stethoscope in his big hands "your not the 1st its been well christened and by more troublesome punters than yourself pal,we'd 1 guy who we were sure was dead, due to him being out all night with a broken leg in -25, minus the wind chill,so we'er in no hurry to get back eh, then he starts wrastling about and eh turns out the cold had made his bladder hyperactive"
Dougie strained to see out the small window he would have done anything to shift the attention and blame "Paddy I'm so sorry you've put up with so much crap and hardly complained,now an again, but not often, I feel awful hurtin you its thoughtless" Garry's apology had tumbled out in a torrent and his friend smiled at his awkwardness "your.... forgiven... an I... owe... you...that 1... if the... roles had been... reversed sure... I'd a.. damn.. near.... killed you" they embraced and Seamus shouted through from the cockpit "sexy lady all in white ohh aren't you a beautiful sight!" "Is he drunk...man if I was healthy"
Garry stood up and saw An Teallach glowing white the mountain resembled a horizontal alp, his heart skipped several beats when he caught sight of the hard neve ice on her steep flanks "ohh man! Sexy indeed no wonder Mac want's to buy her" he hung on to a rail as Seamus did a fly over then hovered above the Corrag Bhuidhe pinnacles "Christ! You know how to torment a man" Dougie resented his inability to enjoy his last spectacular view the window was too high for him to reach "feck! I'd ask you to lift me ..but as I'm covered in piss that'd be unfair" then Andy suggested the unthinkable "when we land we'll clean you up anyway, we always carry more than 1 more stretcher and eh I might be able to help you out Paddy" he considered this from all angles but it didn't help "I'm.. a grown.. man..what kind a man wets himself..after all.. I'm not a f..kin baby!" Anja held him tight as if her embrace was the only antidote to his shame "its ok no don't,don't, please I want to see that smile Irish not tears.."
He held her arms in a vice like grip as the shame burst out of him but she didn't say a word Andy calmly took Dougie's distress in his stride and went to see what they had to clean him up "ah just the job great and eh hmm yep that il do..is coconut all right Paddy" he held up a bottle of coconut shower gel and inspite of his shocking breathing and obvious embarrassment, Dougie laughed "Mary...aye I..can ..see why Seamus chose..that 1" Andy scowled then smiled half annoyed "are you kidding this belongs to him he's had a thing about germs ever since we had to scrape up a badly decomposed climber, Mick was not a happy man".
He opened the flask as the helicopter hung in the air it howled and churned up the snow,like an irate hornet "yep that's his favourite manoeuvre hovering, he cant get enough the eejit's sure he was a bird in his last life" Garry stirred and sat down closer to his friends "he's an accomplished flier but eh I think he's seen Top Gun? Once too often" Anja was bracing herself and her lover, for the landing, she had forgotten that the bump would mean nothing to him "darlin will..you..help..I hate bein ..left in .this.. state" she agreed with a smile "if you... weren't a nurse I'd.. never.. let you" Seamus went in to a turn then slowly lowered the groaning machine onto the uneven ground "ok pal eh how shall we go about this do you want to get out" now the process had begun he felt humiliated but hid it well "eh undo the bag here and I'll slide out ok then you can do whatever you like just...." he felt unable to continue the reality of the situation was just too painful
"I can see your hating every minute of this, however if we leave things as they are you will develop pressure sores and they are very difficult to treat" Dougie pulled off his jacket and swore "f..k! So's cancer...aye ok seein as your the Doc an I'm fecked off wi arguin" as Anja helped to undress him Dougie sat back, with his eyes closed he could pretend none of it was real {this is nothin more than a cruel nightmare}His mind shot off to An Teallach glimmering in bright yellow sunlight {she's only 100 yards..that's all feck! I can practically feel the wind Jesus! I've never felt so free!} His friends were confused by his ludicrous grin {how can I leave her,the idea's ridiculous I want my ashes scattered on Sgurr Fiona} Then Seamus' voice interrupted his escapism "right its not far away from avalanching we'll need to be quick so and no exploring" he squeezed out of the cockpit and froze in place "what's the craic hmm will someone..ohh feck!"
Dougie tried to bury deeper in to his precious isolation but his brain wanted tactile stimulation"Paddy are you alright hmm" there was a morbid fascination in his friend's pale form and the cloth sweeping up and down his inert legs,Seamus didn't need an explanation "man! I'd no..how long have you been like this" he stepped over him while fixing his eyes on the view "eh 6 months" with a coldness in his eyes Dougie forced him to acknowledge the truth "an you can... get... lost wi.. that ..I don't need your pity.....when I've... plenty.. of my own" Anja dried him off and helped him into dry clothes the fact that he'd been unable to enjoy the part, that his brain was screaming for, was more than irritating "is this a regular thing or because your dyin" "because I'm dyin I usually clean mysel up eh an I'm feckin annoyed I can't feel her hands their like silk" "Andy had prepared a syringe with penicillin as he knocked a few bubbles from the liquid his patient asked with a grin "who's arse are you aimin at".
"Yours its an antibiotic for the infection" he wasn't keen and searched for his chair,he spied it folded and secured to the wall "ahh feck! You've... made.. me.. immobile do....you have.... a stretcher... with...wheels" Andy shook his head while opening a packet of sterile swabs Dougie sighed his breathing had deteriorated further "this is madness you should be in hospital pal hooked up to oxygen..are you allergic to penicillin" he took some time to think then remembered all too quickly "eh..no" Andy had to be sure an allergic reaction out here could be fatal "was that a lucky guess pal or what hmm?" Dougie gave him a smile and nodded the needle slipped beneath his skin as he strained to see An Teallach.
"Hey we'll be on the move soon Paddy and you'll regret your impatience, its bloody freezing out there" Seamus was taking everything in and holding his gaze,his boyish smile seemed real and familiar "so the entire.... Ullapool M.R are in your hands,.... jesus...the poor feckers..do they know your..several.....trotters shorta..a bog" Seamus went to the medical kit and pulled out a red box with "In Emergency Only!" In bold black letters "uh huh that's the one" the syringe was in a case with a list of instructions it looked lethal and painful "what's in... there... man... hmm sure.. I've... been seen to" he backed up about 3 feet and Anja placed herself between him and the grinning Irishman "this is incase we have to pick up escaped prisoners, or mental patients, 1 jab with this beauty and sure their no trouble at all..apparently y'have really weird dreams for days afterwards, of course we'er only supposed to handle it with the police around sure Paddy you should see these nutters, personally, I think we'd be safer with a dart gun".
The 4 passengers looked at him as if a dose would do him no harm "what did I tell you mad! Has your man always been a bit.." Andy pointed to his head and mimicked Dougie's imbecilic wink "Oi! Do y'mind I'm not from Kerry so be glad or I'd have needed 2 weeks, or more, to read the damned map"
"there's an answer...take him in when we make Fort William" Seamus was crazy but he was also quick and missed nothing and inspite of her love for Dougie Anja was falling for more than his accent "notice she said when and not IF, like the others, and me flying all night through a force 11, it's not as if I have to put up with their cheek" he winked at Anja who blushed and Dougie realised how little he had changed "aye..well take it... easy.. wi him ..comin from the wilds of... Cork he's a bit ..naive.. where... the women are concerned"
He pulled up the sleeve of his bright red jacket and revealed a gold ring "if anyone's naive its yourself I've been married for 3 months now and she's a cracker" Neil the winchman who had been quiet and unhappy about their shout, spoke up and had them laughing "you should have seen the priest's face when your man turned up with his bride to be" he patted the side of the cockpit and raised his eyebrows as if to say "cant you guess" "Jaysus! At least I get to spend all day with the 1 girl who doesn't complain"
Andy expected him to own up but he wasn't playing along "she's a member of the Mountain Rescue and a trainee pilot christ knows what she sees in the eejit".
Dougie agreed and shook his friend's hand Seamus showed him the ring and a picture "you're a lucky devil she's gorgeous eh good...man....any children...yet" "eh..a son we called him Douglas d'you mind" he swallowed hard and looked at his friend with envy "...no..how..Jesus..a boy!" Garry said what he couldn't "your almost an uncle...Christ! What a role model" they laughed with relief then Andy asked if they were "ready to brave the cold" he opened a hatch in the door and An Teallach was in front of Dougie before he was ready for her.
"Ohh Christ!"He sat there desperate to touch her and consumed by unbearable frustration at his disability and reliance on others she seemed to tease him to "come on up". He could hear a cold breeze playing around the pinnacles and the crack of breaking glass like ice, cascading down the Lords Gully.His right hand reached out of its own accord as if they were a few feet apart "I can't! ...Jesus will you look at her! What ..the hell.. have I done!" Anja placed her hands on his face and kissed him "You go see the mountain or you will hurt with regret... dont be like Andre...she's waiting on you" he couldn't speak the suddenness of An Teallach so achingly close and so tangibly far had shaken him to the core "Garry give a hand we'll get you up there 1 way ,or another,pal" they lifted the stretcher out of the helicopter and set it down on a flat bit of ground Andy, Garry and Seamus, fitted their crampons, as Dougie surveyed the hill with that far away expression that climbers never quite lose.
"Lads... this is..you 3 are... feckin nuts!" "Oi! Rest breathe and enjoy the view ok are you warm hmm?" Dougie smiled but it wasn't directed at his friends "...aye sure you'd think I was... givin... birth...an lads.. no heroics..."
Seamus cracked his knuckles and went to lift the stretcher ^how much d'you weight man sure I'm not wanting a hernia not so soon after me last one^ Andy pushed him aside and he fell head first into a snow filled depression ^you hopeless hypochondriac..get up! He's never been the same since that fella^ Seamus dug himself out spluttering and cursing *sure my arse was exposed and undefended Jaysus! Is it any wonder I'm nervous* Anja brushed off the snow and vegitation sticking to the velcro on his jacket *you are a big fool..so funny Irish all crazy*
their attention was diverted by a burst of violent coughing Dougie struggled to shrug it off but the pain racked his chest and bitter air seared his congested lungs,Andy improvised and held a paper bag in front of him "ok take your time we'er not in a hurry" he rubbed Dougie's back as the deceptive colour drained from his face "it's the worst part eh" he leaned forward and quietly asked "is the cancer in your lungs" their eyes met and he pointed to his back and gave a thumbs down "shit!..At least your breathing's slowing now no.. just sit still for once" his brown eyes swept over his friends and registered their grief the guilt he felt was obvious and angry but only partly acknowledged "sure man y'scare me doing that will y'not reconsider"
"no..I...will not..would you" Seamus could tell what he was thinking their 5 years apart had unobtrusively melted away {what a beautiful place to die just launch me down the gully}Only Anja seemed blase in the face of Dougie's one sided ambition she was eager to help her lover achieve his dream "do we go or no its too cold for arsing around" the climbers conferred and agreed "yep we'er going and eh here get this down you" Andy handed over 4 cans of red bull and Dougie joked "I think she... got.. there.. before you eh..gorgeous" he skelped her arse and winked she went along with his recovery but only for the sake of argument.
"Anja's right it is too bloody cold" Andy dumped his 1/2 empty can in the helicopter and stretched the twinge in his back was still there "ok on my count and if it looks at all dodgy we'er heading down, is everyone agreed" they nodded and prepared to lift the stretcher "Christ this is a bit heilin eh goin up the way with a casualty" Dougie shot Garry a disparaging look and he responded with a grin "f.ck this stuff doesnt half work hmm" he drank the rest of the red bull and gave the can to Dougie "might as well make yourself useful Paddy" he cursed and drank the dregs with trepidation
the walk in was strenuous in good weather but the deep snow added to the difficulty now more than ever Dougie felt the helplessness of his situation, he saw himself as a burden on his friends and as they shifted the weight of the stretcher and the steep peak of Bidean A'Ghlas Thuil, reared up in front of them, he asked them to stop and yet again Garry was incredulous and a little pissed off, at Dougie for giving in so easily "what! You are.. kiddin" he shivered as the scalding air settled on his sweat slicked hands "Christ!... Well are we goin back or what?...." he questioned the others with his eyes full of determination and premature grief "not if your game Seamus..Anja are you happy to continue" they smiled and agreed on 1 condition "yep if you've any more red bull, or some chocolate, sure I'm starving and its only.. 11am"
Garry handed out bars of chocolate and rubbed his hands the cold skin tingled and nipped "ohh yes this il fill a hole y'don't realise how hungry y'get when your concentrating" Andy went to answer then a loud crack resembling a gunshot shattered the frigid silence, a huge slice of ice broke free from the overhanging cornice, on Sgurr Fiona, and crashed 200ft to Loch Sealga they watched and only Dougie was smiling "ah see she's... puttin...on an.. act... for us An Teallach's aye... been... a show off" as if to confirm his opinion another lump of ice the size of a small car, broke off and followed its neighbour down the gully to land with the force of a boulder, and disappear through the hard ice of the loch "bloody hell! Eh who's idea was this hmm your man's not the only eejit here" Seamus didn't dispute this as he glanced back at the helicopter to make sure it was safe "ahh she'll be fine sure its only ice".
"Captain Scott probably felt the same, ach come on lads its only a frozen foot" Anja smiled at Andy's fatalistic humour and burped with the last of her red bull "man have you no manners your among gentlemen here" Seamus couldnt help staring but she handled it well "do we go now she's playing with us and I see worse in Norway"
"right as the Vikings are keen lets get on before the whole hill lets go" they lifted the stretcher and headed off towards Bidean A'Ghlas Thuil early morning sun slanted across the peak from the east and turned part of the mountain to gold "ohh Christ! I'll never get tired a this" they walked for over an hour and gradually gained the ridge it was hard going and Dougie wanted to help, he hated sitting there inept and dependent Andy wouldn't have it, and warned him to "sit back and rest or I'll sedate you" he pulled a worried face and cursed under his strangled breath Anja and Garry took a breather then attached a rope to the front of the stretcher to haul it, while Andy and Seamus kept it straight and kicked large rocks out of the way "am I glad your thinner I remember you tryin to lose weight for the Eiger,..Christ that was a laugh... no pints, no Belfast fry ups, ohh your man ..was suffering... watch out there its bad .." he was fitter than ever but still helping his friend up the big munro was harder than he had anticipated "do you ..need ..to sit..down ...sure there's.. always... the lords seat" Seamus was ready for him "if you want to go over there sure you can crawl on your arse an I'll keep you right"
Dougie fiddled with the harness while keeping one eye on Seamus,he badly wanted to do something no matter how humiliating "hey! I was having y'on don't be giving me nightmares...man your still a daredevil" they grinned at each other then Dougie said what his friend had been hoping for "I was...glad..to see..you this morning.I knew..it was yourself.Christ! I've wasted ...I've missed... 5 years of your... life... Mick and there's so... little...time to catch up" Seamus shuffled around uncertain of what to do as Dougie held himself together at 1st, but the effort was only a act and he held him as he broke down with regret, loss and "I wish things were different!"
Anja joined them and kissed her lover and the guy who wanted to be "you are amazing and a good friend yes...I trust you so well" Seamus smiled weakly and stared at the uneven ground ahead "it il be tricky we'd best get moving before the sun melts the rest" Anja put a hand on his face and turned it towards her "dont pretend ok we are all hurting..yes its ok to show it" he nodded faintly then stood up and brushed his black hair out of his eyes "were you serious..just now..sure I don't want to see you crawling on your arse its undignified" Dougie shook his head but there was a look of "I might have done!" in his reddened eyes "Jaysus! And they say Kerrymen are mad"
Further on the terrain on Bidean A'Ghlas Thuil becomes uneven and dangerous,the peak consists of 3 humps with frightening gaps between them,where a brave or foolish climber can see the bottom 3,000ft below fortunately a -20 frost had secured the loose rocks and they were able to make good progress.Andy and Garry had switched to guiding the stretcher while Anja and Seamus hauled it. Dougie was unable to do much more than hang on however he was closer to the suspect ice and snow and he warned them Andy was already aware of it, but he said nothing they continued for several 100 feet then without warning Garry yelled out to Dougie "you've summited!" No one said a word as the Irishman pulled off his gloves and touched An Teallach with a trembling hand,the stunning view across to Sgurr Fiona and the Corrag Bhudhuie pinnacles was blurred by tears that fell,then froze, to icicles he undid the survival bag and slid out and crawled towards the edge he gazed down to the rapidly refreezing loch then back to the ridge "feck....man..this is something...I'll never..forget"
He lifted his legs over the edge and sat precariously on the lip of a craggy outcrop staring down as snow and ice fell from his boots and rolled down the gully,this had happened so often in the past he had learned to disregard the every day {as long as their not stones who cares} Andy joined him and they shook hands Dougie was still overcome with emotion and elation anyway clumsy interrupted words would have ruined the moment.He scanned the mountain in minute detail and his eyes absorbed every crag, drop,crack and pinnacle,what was left of the cornice was ragged and teetering,on the steeper side of Sgurr Fiona, ready to fall..the analogy was painful but exciting An Teallach hadn't let him down but then she never had.
Then his reverie was broken by a discordant blast from Andy's walkie talkie he stiffly stood up and carefully walked away from the group Seamus wasn't far behind "what's that...damn!..Ok eh what's your best guess for our E.T.A hmm?... all right we'll geta shift on cheers Neil" "You'll be happy to know Fort William is knee deep in heavy blizzards and high winds...what fun" his eyes lit up and a crooked daring smile curled around his lips "sure just another day in paradise right Mary don't you worry sure now am I not the man".Dougie sensed the call wasn't good news and crawled back to the stretcher but as he met Andy's serious gaze he couldn't resist one last crack "what's up Doc?" the M.R man groaned then smiled "I've been waiting on that all morning eh heavy snow in Fort William and force 10 winds, landing will be ..an experience to be missed..just be glad you know the pilot" Dougie shook his head and said what his friend was thinking "..I wish.... I didn't"
Garry had come prepared for the successful summit he had never doubted his stubborn friend's will to succeed "ok as this is a 1 off and Dougie is the 1st terminally ill paraplegic to scale this peak, I think we should celebrate with a real drink,Norse Ale!..Now drink it slowly red bull is water compared to this stuff" Seamus had only recently won a reprieve for being 1/2 cut and stealing the helicopter, to chase the wolves,he couldn't afford another screw up."Wait til you try this Mick I've been tryin to get it right for 5 years and finally, a few weeks ago, hmm hmm" they eyed the dark bottles suspiciously and the only keen 1 was Dougie "as your man stopped... my dick... from... leakin fill her up sure.... I might... even... ski jump... after a few swigs" Garry gave him a bottle and shivered at his icy grip "get your bloody gloves on or you'll be holdin feck all!"
"And the same... to yourself....the old...frostbite won't need much encouragement to munch.... on your fingers again" he sniffed the brew and tried a sip, then another and the 3rd had an immediate effect, Dougie lay sprawled out on his back gobsmacked by the powerful ale, he grinned up ended the bottle and drank a 1/4 easily "Jaysus! Would look at Father Jack he's not meant to have alcohol what are you up to Paddy" he leaned on 1 arm still grinning and signalled to Anja "you lot..know what.. your doin..come...here" he kissed her and slid 1 freezing hand down the neck of her jacket, she jumped and almost toppled over the edge.
"Sure what.... are the M.R.... doin but standin... around gettin pissed.."
Garry reeled from the sucker punch he wanted to mark Dougie's achievement he'd no intention of reaching the summit without doing,or saying, something meaningful but this standing around while his desperately ill pal sat on hard frozen snow, getting drunk, at his request was awful. "We should get movin its no good for him" Anja had helped Dougie back in to the survival bag he was shivering the alcohol had lowered his temperature "we'er riskin hypothermia hangin about here Christ! Man I'm sorry"Andy turned on him the gloom in his grey eyes matched the surrounding sky "how COULD you forget hmm you said yourself he's terminal Jesus! Now we have to wait 48hrs, or more, for the booze to leave his system, meanwhile the infection is progressing and the penicillin is diluted in booze!"
Garry stared across as the far peaks of An Teallach became lost in a mist it crept over her flanks like a ghost and he felt someone walk over his grave "we'd best get movin that's carryin snow..." he locked eyes with Dougie and he saw pleading and pain "you could have said no pal there are more important things than this" he disagreed and raised the nearly empty bottle to An Teallach "here m' darlin have a drop it il keep you beautiful" "the best thing we can do now is get back to the hostel and work from there ok, Seamus you get back to base there'l be a shout sooner or later if you need me just drop in" the Irishman put a hand on Andy's shoulder in a show of trust and support "will do and eh we've a quiet 1".